Beat the green-eyed monster

Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others?  It's human nature to look at ourselves in relation to others, but often this can drive us crazy with endless wants and desires to be better than our neighbours.  For some of us, this can result in bad habits such as excessive spending and a focus on all things superficial.

Often we have underlying reasons for jealousy - what triggers your feelings of jealousy?  What are the thoughts running through your mind when you feel this emotion?  Are you feeling unsatisfied with an aspect of your life?

"If only I had more Chihuahuas...."

Here are some constructive strategies you can utilise to suppress your inner green-eyed monster.

1)  Consider what you're thankful for.  Next time you feel the urge to splurge on a new pair of heels, think about what it is that you do have. Reflect on your achievements, successes, positive relationships....think about what matters in life, and be thankful for it!!

2)  Focus on achieving goals and personal growth....  think about who you really want to be in this lifetime - focus on nurturing your talents, developing your skills and hitting goal posts... when you're engaged in an activity that helps you develop personally, you'll probably find you're less caught up in emotions like jealousy and more focused on bettering yourself.

3)  Identify your values - do you value financial security?  Or do you value looking fantastic to show up your best friend?  Consider your values and set goals in line with them.... looking at your savings grow will be far more fulfilling in the long run, compared to buying a new top which you will probably wear once or twice, then still feel like you need another new top.

4)  Do something positive or give back to others - prosocial acts are good for mental health!!  Participate in a fundraising activity, donate your unworn clothes to others or help a stressed out friend tidy up her apartment.  You will feel better for it.

3 Bad Habits to Stop Doing Right Now!!

1)  STOP Comparing yourself to others

We're all different in this world - the effort of constant comparison with others can be extremely draining.  

Why not focus on identifying what you value in life - then going on to set yourself some goals that relate to those values.

Why be jealous of Jim with the big salary and massive house when you could set your own goals to achieve and live your own dreams?  

2)  STOP Setting goals without considering your values

If your goals don't match up with what you value in life, you probably won't achieve them!!

Be mindful of your values when you set goals!!  Not sure of what you value?  Try my values and barriers worksheet here.

For example, Jenny's goal is to lose 10kg to fit into size 8 jeans - she diets for two weeks, then finds herself regressing back to her previous eating patterns and skipping the gym.  What are Jenny's values around health, fitness and her body?  Do you think Jenny is aware of these values?  

Suzanne values living a healthy life and looking after her body - because of this value, Suzanne eats lots of nutritious food and takes a walk every day.  Her strong values guide her actions.  

Try the following exercise:

Here is an example to start…

What do you value?

What are three small goals you can set to take you closer to that value?

Here's my example below:

*  I value the idea of having a good career where I can develop professionally and be successful.

3 goals in line with this value:

*  Commence a masters degree at uni this March to increase my skill set and complete the course by the end of 2015.

*  Apply for alternative roles within my company within the next six months

*  Become a member of psychology and coaching associations within the next six weeks and attend one event each month. 

3)  STOP avoiding your unpleasant emotions

The more we try and avoid a thought or feeling, the stronger that thought or feeling becomes.

Accept that unpleasant emotions - sadness, anger, grief - are normal and healthy emotions that all human beings experience.  When we acknowledge and accept that we can't control our emotions, often we can make room for that unpleasant emotion without it affecting our ability to be present and mindful of our surroundings and get on with what we need to do.  

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